Masking is a strategy used by autistic people to help them to fit into society and to try to conceal their autistic self. Autistic people will watch how others interact and will try to imitate them in the hope of being accepted and included by others. This may mean copying gestures, body languages, facial expressions and language. Some individuals are able to do this very well and can hide their autism though, of course, they should not have to do so. Women are particularly good at masking and this may explain why there are more males diagnosed than females. This poem is about masking.
Tattered, red hat gives warmth and shade.
Pure security.
Protection from the sun, the rain,
The freezing winter breeze
But also.... From the world.
Same coat – morning, noon and night.
Guess other fabrics don’t feel right?
A grounding hug to keep you strong.
Hard stares, tied tongue, bemused, confused.
Raw anxiety.
Planet panic wears you down
With worry and no sleep.
Don’t speak...
Hide those tears.
Sticking to rehearsed routine
Avoiding spontaneity.
Can’t get lost on well-worn paths.
Look at you! You don’t even try to fit in.
No pretence and no masking.
Ambling along with a battered, old case,
Flaunting aloofness and making mistakes.
Saying wrong things which nobody minds?
Sounding rude and obtuse yet you’re making them smile
While I’m watching in awe as you interconnect.
I’d be shaking your paw out of total respect.
Hard not to relate for your scrapes feel familiar
We don’t look alike but it seems we are similar
And if that’s the case then I know what it’s like
When you shut the front door and you turn on the light
And at last on your own you can let it all out
You can jiggle and flap, you can swear, you can shout.
Venting all of the anger, the upset and fear
Caused by scenes which we’ve seen, wicked words that we hear
Till we crackle with static for life is traumatic
So charged we implode or explode – problematic.
Alone. No one knows as they don’t see the lows
Just the way we behave on the stage in the show
Performing all day in the ultimate play,
Sticking to scripts as ad-lib's not our way.
Then when curtain falls... breathe out, relax.
Remove that red and tattered hat.
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