Everything is good. Better in fact. Everything is fantastic. No butterflies, a head empty of worry and I’m feeling quite relaxed. It would take something pretty nasty to ruin this and then….
It has the same effect as an air raid siren. Panic kicks in and every part of me goes tense. Most people will not understand, and I’m not sure I do either, but it’s like this whenever a telephone rings.
Maybe it’s the uncertainty as to who is on the other end, or perhaps it is simply the fact that I can be reached in my safe place? All I know is, when the telephone goes, my heart rate soars, and I struggle to catch my breath. A phone rings unannounced.
There is no warning, and it is impossible to prepare for it.
Family and friends will know how much I hate speaking on the phone. Video calls and Facetime are horrendous. Seeing and hearing myself, and even knowing that others can see me, make me feel sick. Getting a diagnosis for autism has answered so much but can it explain my aversion to phones, online calls and social media?
Using the phone removes the stress of eye contact yet feels much more intense than talking to someone face to face. When talking on a telephone or online, you become the centre of attention for the other person, which is something I cannot stand. My mind goes blank, and I don’t know what to say. Without seeing the other person, it is hard to know when they are finished talking and when I am expected to chip in. I end up talking over the other person or enduring long, awkward silences.
Research shows that many people with autism have difficulty using the telephone. Some individuals have Central Auditory Processing Disorder, a condition that makes it difficult to process speech, especially over the phone. Many autistic people find it hard to speak fluently to strangers and therefore contacting people we have not met is a challenge. For many the concept of talking to a person we cannot see just feels strange and unnerving. When you cannot see the person, it is harder to understand what they are trying to convey, and it is difficult to anticipate the direction of the conversation.
An interesting report was published in 2021 called “Anything but the phone!” (The link is at the bottom of this article). It centred around a survey conducted on 245 adults with autism, investigating their preferred methods of communication. Perhaps unsurprisingly, E-mail was the favourite way of communicating, with telephone at the bottom of the pile. Speaking in general is anxiety provoking and using a telephone will be more stressful for an autistic individual than written communication. Almost none of the participants said the phone was their preferred form of communication. Here are a few of their comments :
· ‘I absolutely hate having to call anyone and I hate it when [they] call me too!’.
· ‘My auditory processing is poor, and trying to say what I want/need verbally is difficult’
· ‘Phone calls . . . tend to be paced quite quickly, which can overload me’
· General insistence on phone calls as the medium of communication is ‘disabling to the point of outright discrimination’
· It is extremely difficult to interpret’ someone’s tone or intentions ‘without other signs to point you in the right direction’
· If I’m disturbed by a phone call . . . it’s quite jarring and it can take time afterwards to get back into the flow.
· Anything but a phone call!
It seems telephobia is rife in the autistic community. Remember too that some autistic people are non-verbal and yet, in order to access health care and leisure facilities, there is a need to use the telephone. One participant in the survey said that they use the telephone (begrudgingly) out of necessity. “I call them (healthcare) because it’s the only way to get it done”. Surely in 2022, there should be alternative methods of communication available?
Autistic people and individuals suffering from anxiety much prefer written communication. At a time when so much is online, shouldn’t we be able to make GP appointments, request test results, book a swim session and renew car insurance (without having to haggle) at the click of a button? Offering an Email / online system would make so many services much more accessible. Many autistic people would rather suffer than make a phone call.
Deficits in receptive language make it difficult for autistic individuals to retain information given by the other person. When we are told times, dates, directions over the phone, they literally go in one ear and out the other! Don’t rely on an autistic person to accurately record or pass on messages as they are likely to miss key details or misinterpret the information given.
What makes written communication so much easier? There is less pressure which means less anxiety. There is no immediacy in writing, no need to think of a word on the spot or to rush what we are hoping to convey. There is time to consider what you want to say and how you want to say it. There is no distracting background noise. Contact insurance companies and service providers, and you often hear other calls being made. You also avoid the build-up of tension caused by 10 minutes of Coldplay on repeat before the abrupt, “Hello, can I take your name please?”
A certain company once used the slogan “It’s good to talk”. That may be true but it’s not always easy. There are a number of ways that communication can be facilitated for those on the spectrum or with anxiety issues:
· If you have an autistic friend/relative, offer to make phone calls for them. This is especially important if they are unwell.
· Ask an autistic person well in advance if it is OK to call them at a certain time. This can be done with a text message. Phone calls are much easier to deal with if they are expected.
· If you run a business or offer a service, are you contactable by email?
· If you are an employer, consider the language used in job adverts. Phrases such as “excellent communication skills are essential” and “proven team player” mean individuals with autism will assume they cannot apply.
· Write down directions and key information rather than relay it over the telephone.
· Do not insist that cameras are switched on during an online call.
Read the “Anything but the Phone!” report here:
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