The festive season has rolled around once again and where did those twelve months go!? With Santa, elves and all-day chocolate, Christmas is a magical time for children, and I love to see how excited my boys get as the 25th approaches. For people with autism, Christmas can be a joyful occasion with much to look forward to but it can also bring challenges and worries by the sleigh load.
Christmas often involves visits to and from friends and family which means having to socialise far more than usual. Sometimes these visits are spontaneous which can be extremely stress provoking for people who like to know exactly what is going to happen well before it does. Having extra people around can be exhausting and it can be difficult to create some well needed quiet alone time.
Christmas often means doing things which are outside of our comfort zone. For autistic people these things can include church services, carol singing, shopping and even reading jokes aloud at the table. Many Christmas traditions can be overwhelming and intense. The switching on of dazzling Christmas lights, the noise and explosions of a pantomime and the crowded markets with pungent, seasonal smells of sausages, Gluhwein and cinnamon.
Everywhere seems busier at this time of year and not just in terms of people. Christmas music fills every shop, lights are flashing from every tree and lamp post and there is an intense pressure to buy gifts and to write cards for everyone and anyone with whom we have crossed paths.
It is the most peculiar time. A baby was born in a stable surrounded by animals because his parents were unable to find better accommodation. On the back of this we spend far more than we can afford, we decorate sparkling, garish trees which we keep in our living rooms, put carrots out for flying reindeer driven by a fat, bearded man in a red suit and pull exploding toilet rolls before eating roast turkey with paper crowns on our heads. Any hope of routine and the norm of every day is as likely as a White Christmas in Fiji.
That is why many people on the spectrum find Christmas and New Year tricky. For a couple of weeks everything is different, and we lose control over our schedule. The lights, noise and crowded spaces may trigger overloads, and it is never more obvious to us that we are different from most others who seem comfortable, even happy, with all this extra stimulation.
Presents can also be rather awkward. I don’t mean choosing gifts for other people but simply opening our own. There is some apprehension when tearing off the wrapping paper about what lies within. Is this something I will want and more importantly and more worryingly, what am I supposed to say to the person who gave it to me? Opening a present in front of others feels as though a spotlight has been switched on and everyone is staring. There is huge pressure to sound genuinely grateful for the present along with the added implications of eye contact and possible personal space invasion. Having to think on the spot and to come up with an instant reaction is difficult. I think many of the issues with presents is that a lot of autistic people just don’t like surprises!
Christmas should be inclusive and must be a time when we can all relax and take time to consider its significance for us as individuals. For some it is a religious celebration while for others it is a time to eat, drink and be merry. For some it may need to be just another day and not a special occasion in the slightest. Some like loud music, some just need peace. Some go to midnight mass, some choose to sleep. Some will enjoy turkey with all the trimmings while some will stick to beans on toast. Christmas is whatever and however you want it to be. Be kind to yourself but respect other people for whom Christmas may mean something very different.
TOP TIPS FOR CHRISTMAS !
1. Keep the decorations and the tree in one room or even one part of a room so that the rest of your house feels “normal”.
2. Use a diary meticulously so that you know exactly who is coming and when, and if you have agreed to do things. A diary will help you to keep track of the days as Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day often mean we forget which day of the week it is and this can make the week somewhat confusing!
3. Keep one room of the house as your quiet zone and agree with family that this is your safe place when needed.
4. Try to keep as much routine as possible by buying in your favourite foods, maintaining exercise, devoting time to hobbies and interests.
5. Be honest with family and friends. There are so many Christmassy things which can overwhelm the senses that get overlooked. These include flashing fairy lights, scented candles and incense sticks.
6. Try to avoid the pressure to buy gifts if you do not have the money. Autistic people often struggle with budgeting on a day-to-day basis, and it is very easy to spend a lot of money over the Christmas period without realising how much. Allocate an amount of money on each gift and stick to it. Write down what you have spent as soon as you make a purchase, so you have a visual record of your spending.
7. If you are buying presents, consider how to avoid the crowds. Online shopping is a brilliant way to dodge the public, and late-night shopping, especially at supermarkets can be less chaotic. Make sure you decide what you are buying before you get to any shop as it is likely your mind will go blank when you’re walking around aimlessly. The pressure of selecting a gift on top of trying to cope with being in a strange and busy place will increase anxiety levels.
8. Give yourself some time away from Christmas by going for a run or a walk. You'll probably be surprised by how many people are out walking on Christmas Day. Lots of people are keen to escape the house for an hour or two and getting out into nature is a brilliant way to unwind.
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas however you choose (or maybe you don't!) to celebrate. x
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