7km into an evening run I saw a group of mountain bikers steadily cycling up a steep hill. As this is one of my regular routes I know the slope well and was soon flying past the cyclists to many astonished comments.
Later as they passed me on a downhill stretch several shouted out encouraging remarks which was kind. A female cyclist pulled up next to me and said ( much to my surprise!)
“You’re awesome”. Without thinking my lips uttered on my behalf “No. I’m autistic” and I continued running unable to stop laughing..”
The reason I run is my autism. If I don’t run then my head gets too busy and I get clouded, negative thoughts. However it is my autism that helps me to run. It stops me getting bored when I’m more than an hour in, often on the same stretch of road or woodland path. It makes me want to run further than the last time or to try to go a little quicker.
Often when I’m out I’ll stop to admire a view, the colours of flowers, the smells of mushrooms or to touch a moss-covered rock. Autism makes me inquisitive and appreciative of the world around me. When it isn’t chaotic and stressful I am able to find beauty and solace. Last week I was accompanied on the first half of my journey to work by a stunning rainbow. So vibrant and powerful it actually made me cry. It wasn’t overwhelming in a bad way like bright lights and vivid colours often can be but it had stirred something deep inside. This happens a lot when I listen to music or read something poignant.
Creativity & Autism
Classed as a disability autism can be viewed as entirely negative. When you’re feeling low or recovering from meltdown it does seem like a curse but the intensity of joy and pure emotion that it enables me to feel make it something very special.
Autism means that we can concentrate for long periods of time and we pay great attention to detail. I may take a long time to get a job done but it will always be completed to a high standard. I love rules and if I’m told to work for three hours on a task then trust me I will! I can count the number of days I’ve had off work in the last decade on one hand. Autistic people are honest and committed.
I am hopeless at decision making and much prefer to let others make choices on my behalf. That doesn’t mean I can’t think for myself and I do have my own – sometimes strong – opinions. However I tend to keep these to myself to avoid conflict. I am an introverted thinker and I love that I am able to respect, not necessarily understand, other people’s points of view. So many people it seems have a fixed belief that they are right and everyone else must be wrong.
My autism makes me creative. I love being alone and writing or playing the guitar. With the children I teach and with my own two I am able to come up with quirky games and frequently daft activities. I think that a lack of imagination in autistic people is a myth! Just look at all the autistic artists, writers and musicians who are out there.
My autism makes me fair. I don’t judge people and all I want to do in my job is to make a genuine difference to every child I teach and make them smile/laugh. At one of my many failed job interviews I was told “we need a teacher not a clown”. Nevertheless my exam classes have always achieved impressive grades so is laughter a bad thing?
People with autism are not influenced by trends. Fashion is of no importance and we are quite content to do things which others may deem uncool. For me this is looking for mushrooms and collecting CDs. In my experience people with autism are unmaterialistic. Brand names and expensive luxuries mean little if anything and money is not important.
For me the most refreshing thing about being diagnosed was that I could give up trying to conform. Fitting in with social expectations is not important to me. Autistic people are a little different but we are strong enough to do things our own way. Sometimes I’ll abandon any effort to make eye contact and I’m happy to tell people I’d rather work than go to the pub.
It’s been just over a year since my diagnosis and I have come to accept all that this condition brings. After hours of research I have finally gotten to really know myself and now understand how I act and react. Autism is what makes me “me” and I wouldn’t change a thing.
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