Anxiety. Worry. Stress. Many of us now try to avoid watching the news or reading a paper as the contents are so depressing! There seems to be wars raging around the world, diseases spreading and a constant stream of concerning statistics about pollution, the economy, immigration.....
Sometimes it can all get too much. Having these things as the backdrop to our own busy lives with the familiar pressures of family, relationships, work, health and wealth can grind us down. Everybody gets stressed but some people are able to manage their stress better. There are always things which may cause us to sometimes worry and feel anxious but for some people it can be that most things cause them to always worry!
Anxiety is horrible. Anxiety means thinking and therefore expecting the worst-case scenario in everything that we do. Anxiety means anticipating problems and dangers which are more than likely not going to happen. Anxiety means replaying situations non-stop. It means tossing and turning at night as the brain will not rest. Anxiety means believing that others think bad of you and that you are inferior.
Anxiety never lets go. It cannot be switched off. It’s a bit like that bathroom extractor fan whirring in the background until someone pulls the cord. Except there is no cord. I worry about literally everything and I know that most of my worries are irrational. I can stress myself so much that I feel sick. I have IBS and am taking medication for high blood pressure which is likely caused by stress.
Autistic individuals are more prone to anxiety and research suggests that half of autistic people experience high levels of anxiety. Sticking to a rehearsed routine helps to manage anxiety but as soon as something unexpected crops up or a new situation is encountered, it can cause genuine panic! When there is a road diversion, I can feel my heart rate soar and I start to sweat. It can be difficult, sometimes impossible, to walk into a new place and very challenging to meet new people.
Relentless worry is exhausting. Anxiety leaves you tired yet annoyingly also stops you from sleeping. It is essential that you learn skills to help you manage your anxiety as you may have to accept it is something with which you will always have to live.
I recently went on a three-day school visit to Paris. We travelled by coach which removed all the stress of an airport. Nevertheless, my suitcase was loaded, and I was prepared for all eventualities. The contents of my suitcase show just how ridiculous the impact of anxiety can be:
Two pairs of shorts despite the forecast showing a maximum temperature of 4 degrees, two phone chargers (in case one broke), seven adaptors for the phone charger in case some of them didn’t work, nine books even though I have read just three in the last 11 months, two towels – in case one got too wet. Teddy bear – nice to have something familiar in the bed. Copy of passport in case passport is lost, stolen, set on fire. Immodium in case the tap water causes a reaction or I get sunstroke in December on the Eiffel Tower. Two toilet rolls in case I develop hayfever (in December) or the sunstroke is exceptionally severe. Twelve pairs of contact lenses in case we are delayed at the port (for days). Three bags of Haribo to get me through the possible delays when we are stuck on a bus with no access to supplies.
Hopefully this offers some insight into how nonsensical anxiety can be and, while the packing may be quite trivial and perhaps amusing, the two weeks of disturbed sleep in the run up to the trip were anything but. Constant overthinking caused feelings of nausea, stomach ache and headache before and during the trip but I am so glad I went as I saw and learned so much.
My family and work colleagues appreciate how much I worry, and they can tell when I am overly anxious. Thankfully, with years of experience, I am also able to tell when I am close to falling apart. I run to reduce my anxiety, and I write and read poetry to help me to vent my worries and stress. I am lucky because most of the time these are effective. I have experienced melt downs and shutdowns and suffered a break down in my final year of sixth form. I am lucky because I have people around to help me.
For many people anxiety cannot be tamed, and they struggle to deal with the mountains of ordeal which face them every day. Anxiety can be debilitating and can remove enjoyment from all aspects of life. This is sad and scary, and we should support those who need help to win their personal battles.
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