Whether to obtain a professional diagnosis is a personal choice which must not be taken lightly. With waits in the UK of up to three years for an NHS diagnosis, many adults choose to go private and must pay thousands of pounds. Lots of people are happy to remain self-diagnosed and have no need for an official piece of paper confirming that they are on the spectrum.
Others, including myself, become desperate to receive medical confirmation of a condition which they believe may be the reason why life just seems so bloody hard.
A diagnosis can be the answer to so many questions. It can explain why an individual struggles in particular situations and offers reassurance and hope. If you are aware that you are autistic, you can research the condition and learn more about yourself. You can explore coping strategies to facilitate everyday life and can become skilled at avoiding the triggers of anxiety and sensory overload.
When I was diagnosed, I was at my lowest, suffering from poor mental health and hating the person I was. I was sick of being a useless role model to my children and finding things challenging which most people seemed to find easy. I needed answers as to why I had no confidence around people and felt sick at the thought of attending a social gathering. Why can I not answer a telephone? Why do bright lights exhaust me, and flashing lights make me want to punch a wall? I had my suspicions that I was autistic and had had these for decades. Unfortunately, as with many autistic people who are not diagnosed until adulthood, I did not pursue my suspicions until I had fallen apart. At that point I had no choice. It felt like diagnosis or die.
Getting the diagnosis was a relief. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and made me feel I could continue. I now knew why I am the person I am, and I could start to get to know myself much better. While I was angry and resentful that I had not been diagnosed much earlier, I realised that this was an opportunity to start afresh and to make a difference. I am autistic, not crazy, and all the other labels dished out by counsellors and therapists could be removed and binned. I stopped blaming myself for my weaknesses and felt I had gained a new identity.
Coming to terms with a diagnosis is something you probably won't have anticipated. Despite always knowing deep down that you are on the spectrum, it can be quite a shock to find out that you were right! You will go through a huge range of emotions and there is minimal to no support (depending where you live) to help you through this process. If my experience was typical (and from my research I think it is), you can expect to feel :
Relief - at last you know why you feel different and have an explanation to so many of the questions you have been trying to answer for most of your life.
Anger - why did you not do this earlier? Why had no one else picked up on this?
Regret - how different could your life have been if you had known before? What more could you have achieved and what could you have avoided?
Fear - this is actually quite scary. You have something that you probably know very little about (except you do because you've been studying it non-stop forever!)
Guilt - you may feel you have neglected your family in your quest for answers and have squandered thousands of pounds of savings on a piece of paper.
Doubt - If you have paid for a diagnosis, have you bought yourself a label which they weren't going to refuse you, were they? ( Your diagnosis will have been made by an experienced professional)
Hope - This could be a new start for you and with more self-belief and fresh optimism, who knows what you are capable of?!
Confusion - now what? You have proof that you have something that you already knew you had! Is this really going to make the slightest difference?
Personally, getting a diagnosis has made a huge difference. If you have any questions pre or post diagnosis , please do not hesitate to get in touch.
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